Apoetnomadali, Why the Beard?

Sat. Nov 10, 2007

My plan was to finish the journey of recording my debut album. When it was finished the goal was to relinquish myself of the weight of that journey which had grown on my face and do so before the crowd, at a large album release party prior to my performance...They say if you wanna hear God laugh, make plans... those were my plans...

Today I walked into a barber shop and asked for a little trim off the top and for the barber to tame the 6 month beard that had grown on my face. I sat there sweating as he took clippers to my jaw and 5 minutes later showed me the reflection of the little boy who had been hiding.

Can I attempt to explain? I can attempt.... I can only attempt at making those who cannot see and who do not understand the reason behind why a young man like myself would grow an untamed, uncontrolled thick beard.

We all know of the traveler who sets out on his jouney, young and bold, unafraid yet uncertain, naive yet courageous. Upon this travelers return we are instantly made aware of that change in gaze, skin-tone, and of the hairs that have mounted, spread, and grown atop his jawline, taking deeper root each day of his journey. In essence a beard to many is just that: a symbol of a journey. This must not always be a physical travel, but may an endeavor or undertaking. For myself, it was all of these things:

First-a physical undertaking to take my body to its desired state. A psychological aide in my training that forced me to look at my reflection and realize that from a shallow and trivial standpoint it was an unnatractive wildness that stared back, somehow prompting me to work harder on the physical me, from the neck down. Furthermore, and more importantly, it was the birth into who I am, yet have always been; an artist. Having a beard doesn't make you an artist, but forcing out societal interpretations of how one should look does tend to put more emphasis on the beauty that is yours to make, rather than simply aesthetically embody. Thus, I began to clamp down on my destiny as a writer, poet, and hip hop artist and the longer the hairs grew, the more clarity I experienced. Thirdly and most importantly, my debut album is a book. A book of sound that takes you through the journey of a relationship, and often times in a relationship when we begin; we are pristine, clean cut, and prepared with a gloss so as to woo our counterpart. Typically when it is over; we are left shipwrecked, broken-hearted and alone. While writing and recording this album, I wanted to embody that growth, that journey and that progession and maturity found in the songs and the material. From glossy simple sweetness to deeper gut wrenching hurt where the physical appearance becomes of very little importance. There is more...

For a time, the simple gesture of letting myself be in a natural state of growth, enabled me to trace my ancestry deep into the realm of the ancient kings whose glory and essence I began to walk with. I do not say this with a sense of entitlement. I say this with a sense or realization and a sense of wonderment at the power that is seen in a gaze or a stance or a man. A power that is present when those who behold him are forced to look beyond what is initially attractive or unnatractive. I felt the power of the great Persian Kings inside my eyes, and resting in a inside the muscles in my back. I found my poetry to beging flowing more lucidly as I began unburying the tip of my lineage through what began on a whim.

I currently reside in Orange County: A very conservative and lucrative county with many pre-conceptions of race, gender, and finance. My beard was a silent protest against all things conformist in this apple pie suburban America. Yes, things are changing, and yes the county is experiencing the same kind of pull and growth and artistic beginnings as Los Angeles did long ago and Long Beach did not so long ago. However, things such as acceptance, culture, and diversity are still endangered and few. Thus, for a young man who is so engulfed in his daily occupation with teaching and working with kids to possess such a grizzly and different physical appearance was everyday a beautiful and silent lesson in tolerance. It brought humanity back to those who maybe at any other time, place and would have judged in fear.

There is no secret that we are in war and the American Media (not Americans-two different things) have a paint brush in which they have constantly been using to paint Middle Eastern people. For myself, warmth and love is the best way to combat ignorance. For example:
Imagine an American family living in Newport Beach whose six year old son or daughter comes home and says, "Mommy, I love my Spanish Teacher, or my dance teacher, or my substitute teacher..." and the mother or father comes to pick them up next week and sees me standing there. It is a complete juxtaposition with one's expectations and the reality they've created for themselves. Someone who has my likeness or image is not typically associated with being a teacher. Many times due to media images, a lack of humanity is used in painting depictions of those who share my image. However, the fact that I am a teacher enables me to embody the utmost humanity and maybe alter some of those perceptions.

Even one step further, is 300 The Movie, which depicted the "Spartans" with much more likeness to what a classic and historically accurate Persian Male and Female would have looked like. The bad guys were depicted with animalistic and grotesque features, while in essence the depiction of of the "good guys" looked more like Persians than ever. In growing this beard and being in the public, this comparison became more clear than ever, as I waded through comments of, "Hey, you kinda' look like that guy in 300". If only they knew I am Persian. It was my only way, silent and long but effective enough for some.

Finally and in all honesty, we all hide behind things. For me, I have used the beard to hide my sorrow my pain and my troubles... Now there is nothing left to hide behind. So to all those who asked,

"Why the beard?" "When are you gonna' shave that thing?" "I bet you have trouble at the airport...ha ha hah" "Boy that's getting long...""Are you gonna get rid of that anytime soon?" "I hate that beard, when are you gonna shave it?"

I could never explain, so I laughed with you, joked with you, and brushed it off...

I am Apoetnomadali...and today, they shaved my beard....

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