Fathers Day - Please Read (I would be nothing to you...)

Dear Friends,

I would be nothing to you if I did not take what I have learned from my time here on earth and share it.  Especially with those I love: My Friends.

The last 5 years have left me particularly silent about the subject of my Dad's passing...At least publicly.  I can assure you there was no silence in my heart or in my writings, as I have filled more pages than anyone will ever know.  

My Fathers Eyes - A Special Dedication

Recently I have been thinking of my closest friends (many of whom are in their late twenties and early thirties). As time dawns on us all, I realize that the most loving gift I can give to them is to talk of the very thing that has robbed me of so much of joy: Losing my Father.  But even more important: The dire necessity for someone to spend time with their own father. If I could not muster this courage, I would be no friend of yours.  I would be nothing to you.  This is a realm I know all too well, whilst many of you have the opportunity to alter a course you are heading down, ultimately ending withe the utterance of these shrill words, 

"I wish I spent more time with my Dad."

Their is no universal relationship with one's Father.  Some are more like friends, some are non-existent, some are disavowing looks and disappointment; while others are a heavy hand, or piercing words, even the most gentle caress.  Still, others are a combination of these former archetypes and infinite other traits.  Regardless, in some way, that lineage (father to son and/or father to daughter) defines us and teaches us more about ourselves.  Quite literally it defines where we come from and many times what dispositions we might have.  It can often shape our relationships with our significant other, our friends, and our family (for better or worse).  Sometimes it's where we esteem our confidence, or lack of... And other times it is our barometer of what "Love" truly is... or isn't.  

In any case, 

"If you are fortunate enough, spend time with your Dad.

Do those things (you know which ones I'm talking about). The ones that bring him joy (and for the life of you, you cannot understand Why!?)  Better yet, do nothing.... Absolutely nothing.  Sit there with him. Decide in that moment that you will ask every question that has ever burned inside your heart.  Questions about about him, you, your family, anything, everything.

Learn him, of him, and ultimately of you. Once he is gone, there are no more questions he can answer… And you will have them.  There is wisdom in his years far beyond what you think you know.  And as different as you think you are from him - Get to know the actual man behind your Father.

Do it now.  Don't wait.  Make a list of questions you have always wanted to know.  Ask him about things you have NEVER talked about and let your heart be like a sponge that soaks up every smile, the sound of his laughter, the strength in his silence, the peculiarity of his regiment, and the understated knowledge that you will undoubtedly discover in his years.  Tell him things you have always wanted to and encourage him to do the same.

And realize this, you are not after any particular "outcome" other than the quiet satisfaction, when that untimely moment comes that he is gone, his absence is not replaced by the presence of a longing to have said, done, experienced, talked, fought, played, cried, shared….more.

I force these things out from the deepest part of my soul with a dual emotion, but the one that triumphs in the end is my love for my friends to tell them this.

I would be no friend of yours if I left this earth I did not say this to you.

Sincerely,

Poet Ali